Dear fellow single mamas, allow me to express the reality that most never share.
Being a single mom is hard. There is no off. You are the keeper, implementer, and manager of all things. If you’re sick, too bad. If your kids have medical or dental appointments, after school activities, school projects, performances at school, extracurricular activities, your kids want to see friends, or if your kids are sick- you set aside everything, call out of work, go without pay, without rest, and sometimes without a shower. Oh wait, let’s not forget there is grocery shopping to do, cleaning, laundry, bills, etc.
And then, we are told how important it is to be in community. And it is. Every single mom wants this more than you know. But when? But how? Who will go to work so we can go to lunch or coffee or walk with a friend? Who will pick up the kids from school so we can meet up with others to develop friendships? Who will make dinner? They say to go to small group weekly, but what about when your child gets sick or has after school activities or what about when you have literally left for work at 7:30am and get home at 6:30pm and if you’re lucky, you can make dinner but more often then not you’re unpacking what you bought on the way home. Ok- so by now, if you eat really fast, it’s almost 7 so if you want to go to small group or meet up with a friend better hurry! (Of course this is only possible if you have kids that are old enough to stay home alone). And if you don’t have time to go or you’re too tired, maybe you can call or text people- but the truth is, you’re exhausted. You want to see people, you care about people and you want to be in community but it’s hard and sometimes rest seems like the only option.
We are a hidden population of women that are truly overlooked and often times, unreasonable expectations are put on us through very kind people who mean no harm, but simply don’t know what it’s like to walk in our shoes. We all know it’s best to be in community and that we need close friends. We all greatly desire this, but it hard to find time, not because we don’t want it or don’t prioritize it, but because duty calls and most single moms don’t have anyone to fall back on. But with all this, we all still try make time, because we really do know it best and want to be in community.
For single moms like me, I want you to know that you are not alone. There are many of us out here fighting the same fight, praying the same prayers, and with God’s help, just holding onto today. Know that God sees each and every one of us and He is absolutely with us, even when we feel all alone. He never leaves us. He walks before us and he sends his angels to protect and guide us. In your exhaustion, cry out to him. It doesn’t have to look pretty. Yesterday, I took a short break at work and paced back and forth in front of my work just saying – no weapon formed against me will prosper again and again and declaring the goodness and mercy will follow me. I don’t care what I looked like doing it, because the Holy Spirit is real and I knew he’d show up. Don’t be afraid to stand out. It’s ok if you can’t make all the church events, it’s ok to take breaks from volunteering, it’s ok to miss small group. It’s ok to take a semester off of small group. It’s ok to look for small groups at any church that best fits your schedule and need.
But- don’t take a break from spending time with the Lord. Instead, give ALL of your left over time to the lord. Worship, read the Bible, pray, talk to the Holy Spirit in your car, read Christian books, listen to Christian podcasts, watch sermons on YouTube, etc. Take this time to lean into him and completely depend on him. Devote yourself to the Lord and see what he does. Let the father, son, and Holy Spirit be your community for this season.
Again, hear this, we single mammas want community and we agree with everyone who says we need it, but sometimes there are seasons when my community only looks like the Holy Spirit. I know it won’t always be that way, but for now, I’m just going to keep pressing in relentlessly.
Ps. I totally didn’t re-read this for grammar and spelling errors. It’s almost midnight and I’m pretty sure the grammar police are already asleep.
Pps or is it pss? It’s been A LONG time since I posted yet I have at least 25-30 posts in my Apple notes- single moms- don’t get discouraged if your not always on point. Just keep going. Don’t stop. I’m cheering you on.
~Spiritual Grinder Girl~