Loneliness creeps in and your bones feel dry. You muster up the courage to smile. You try to push through but the presence of the spirit of loneliness is like a thick grey cloud. It clouds everything and makes you feel like you’re drowning and fighting to keep your head above water. And when you’re fighting to keep your head up, there is no choice but to look up. When everything else has failed and you’re looking up, you see the light.
In that moment you have a choice, you can allow the spirit of loneliness to wrap its chains around you and bind you. And you know that when you’re bound by chains, the weight of the chains will cause you to sink into the dark water and drown.
Or you have the choice to grab ahold of the light and when you grab ahold of the light, it WILL give you strength. It will give you the strength to keep treading water. It will give you the strength to command the spirit of loneliness to flee. And then the light will seem a bit brighter and bigger and as the light seems brighter and bigger, you begin to feel two things: love and hope. And when love and hope plant seeds in your heart and your mind, faith is the supernatural byproduct that begins to change things. Faith is the game changer that brings you out of the sea of discouragement and onto the land of promise where His goodness and mercy will follow you.
Keep holding on. You might still be in the water, but light is shining down on you and calling you to choose light when it seems dark, as when you choose light, He comes to rescue you and hold you up by your right hand. He is ready to give you love and hope so that you can have faith that He will never leave you nor forsake you and you will never be alone again and His goodness and mercy will follow you all the days of your life.
Dear fellow single mamas, allow me to express the reality that most never share.
Being a single mom is hard. There is no off. You are the keeper, implementer, and manager of all things. If you’re sick, too bad. If your kids have medical or dental appointments, after school activities, school projects, performances at school, extracurricular activities, your kids want to see friends, or if your kids are sick- you set aside everything, call out of work, go without pay, without rest, and sometimes without a shower. Oh wait, let’s not forget there is grocery shopping to do, cleaning, laundry, bills, etc.
And then, we are told how important it is to be in community. And it is. Every single mom wants this more than you know. But when? But how? Who will go to work so we can go to lunch or coffee or walk with a friend? Who will pick up the kids from school so we can meet up with others to develop friendships? Who will make dinner? They say to go to small group weekly, but what about when your child gets sick or has after school activities or what about when you have literally left for work at 7:30am and get home at 6:30pm and if you’re lucky, you can make dinner but more often then not you’re unpacking what you bought on the way home. Ok- so by now, if you eat really fast, it’s almost 7 so if you want to go to small group or meet up with a friend better hurry! (Of course this is only possible if you have kids that are old enough to stay home alone). And if you don’t have time to go or you’re too tired, maybe you can call or text people- but the truth is, you’re exhausted. You want to see people, you care about people and you want to be in community but it’s hard and sometimes rest seems like the only option.
We are a hidden population of women that are truly overlooked and often times, unreasonable expectations are put on us through very kind people who mean no harm, but simply don’t know what it’s like to walk in our shoes. We all know it’s best to be in community and that we need close friends. We all greatly desire this, but it hard to find time, not because we don’t want it or don’t prioritize it, but because duty calls and most single moms don’t have anyone to fall back on. But with all this, we all still try make time, because we really do know it best and want to be in community.
For single moms like me, I want you to know that you are not alone. There are many of us out here fighting the same fight, praying the same prayers, and with God’s help, just holding onto today. Know that God sees each and every one of us and He is absolutely with us, even when we feel all alone. He never leaves us. He walks before us and he sends his angels to protect and guide us. In your exhaustion, cry out to him. It doesn’t have to look pretty. Yesterday, I took a short break at work and paced back and forth in front of my work just saying – no weapon formed against me will prosper again and again and declaring the goodness and mercy will follow me. I don’t care what I looked like doing it, because the Holy Spirit is real and I knew he’d show up. Don’t be afraid to stand out. It’s ok if you can’t make all the church events, it’s ok to take breaks from volunteering, it’s ok to miss small group. It’s ok to take a semester off of small group. It’s ok to look for small groups at any church that best fits your schedule and need.
But- don’t take a break from spending time with the Lord. Instead, give ALL of your left over time to the lord. Worship, read the Bible, pray, talk to the Holy Spirit in your car, read Christian books, listen to Christian podcasts, watch sermons on YouTube, etc. Take this time to lean into him and completely depend on him. Devote yourself to the Lord and see what he does. Let the father, son, and Holy Spirit be your community for this season.
Again, hear this, we single mammas want community and we agree with everyone who says we need it, but sometimes there are seasons when my community only looks like the Holy Spirit. I know it won’t always be that way, but for now, I’m just going to keep pressing in relentlessly.
Ps. I totally didn’t re-read this for grammar and spelling errors. It’s almost midnight and I’m pretty sure the grammar police are already asleep.
Pps or is it pss? It’s been A LONG time since I posted yet I have at least 25-30 posts in my Apple notes- single moms- don’t get discouraged if your not always on point. Just keep going. Don’t stop. I’m cheering you on.
Everybody you hate, God loves. Grace and mercy are given freely. Don’t let the enemy trap you in an anger cycle. That’s a ploy of the enemy- to get you stuck so you cannot move forward in your purpose. It’s not a human agenda, it’s an enemy agenda. Read that again. It’s absolutely an enemy agenda. Don’t be fooled into fighting humans when the actual battle is against evil in the unseen world.
I get it, it’s hard to be angry at something you can’t tangibly see, but you also can’t see the forces of magnetism or gravity, yet we know they exist because we see of “effects” these forces produce. It is the same with evil- we can see the “effects” these forces produce such as, confusion, chaos, rebellion, lies/deception, bitterness, uncontrollable anger, discord, division, isolation, pride, envy, etc.
I don’t know about you, but I cannot stand when someone fools me or thinks that I am too foolish to see the games they are playing. This is what the enemy thinks. He thinks he is so clever and charming that he can fool you into believing that you should hold onto anger and tries to deceive you into believing you should hold onto anger so that you won’t get hurt again or so that you can punish someone, but this a huge fallacy.
The enemy knows if you hold onto anger that you won’t be able to hold tight to Christ because anger is the opposite of love and God is love. He knows if you hold onto anger that it will cause division which is the opposite of God’s plan to bring unity. The enemy knows if you hold onto anger, it will isolate you. He knows that anger leads to bitterness and that bitterness leads to a hardened heart and when your heart is hardened, it is difficult to hear God and receive love from God and others. He knows that holding onto anger towards people, ultimately leads to anger towards God and not believing that God’s promises apply to you. And boom. There you have it, he effectively has stopped you in your tracks from not only moving forward in purpose, but also loving others and receiving love from others.
Don’t be fooled by the enemy’s old tricks. If you want to get fired up, get fired up at the master of lies- the great accuser and instead, do the opposite of what he wants and forgive easily, give grace and mercy to others, love others with compassion, serve others, and most importantly, pour it all out to the One who gave His life for your freedom and who loves you without fail and will never leave you or forsake you.
Rise up warriors of God. You are love. ~Spiritual Grinder Girl~
“For we are not fighting against flesh-and-blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against mighty powers in this dark world, and against evil spirits in the heavenly places.” Ephesians 6:12 NLT
Fruit is not determined by your circumstances and successes. Fruit is evident through the behavior you exhibit in all circumstances, as sin exists in this world despite your walk as a Christian. The Bible is clear that as Christians, we will experience difficult circumstances, and nowhere does it state that your circumstances define your degree of righteousness.
“I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth, you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart because I have overcome the world.”John 16:33 NLT
You can be a prayer warrior, read your Bible daily, speak to the Lord throughout your day, attend church weekly, volunteer at church, tithe, serve others, participate in small groups, love others, forgive others, evangelize, prophecy, minister, and heal BUT still experience challenging situations that bring heartache, sorrow, and disappointment. The Bible says to “take heart” and it also says throughout the old and New Testament to “hold fast” to what we have been given.
The word is telling us that we must take some type of action- and all the possible actions we can take involve believing and having faith in God’s promises and truths. When we believe and have faith, we can take a tangible action to “take heart” and “hold fast” and when we take tangible action to “choose” God, fruit will appear.
“Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for He who promised is faithful.” Hebrews 10:23 NKJV
You see, fruit that is fertilized and produced by the Lord can withstand the winds and rains. When the storms end, you might visibly see disaster around you, but if you continue to hold fast to the Lord, not only will you bear even more fruit, but you will also be able to see that goodness and mercy follows you all the days of your life. ~Spiritual Grinder Girl~
“Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me All the days of my life; And I will dwell in the house of the Lord Forever.” Psalms 23:6 NKJV
I love that I have a God who relentlessly seeks me to speak truth to me, not my truth, but His truth. The current culture encourages people to seek and speak “your truth” but speaking “your truth” is simply a lie dressed up in a pretty bow to get people to focus on self and take focus away from focusing on God and His truth.
It is easy to get drawn into our current cultural trend of speaking your truth, especially when going through challenging situations where we feel we are wronged in some way, whether real or perceived. But speaking “your truth” without making sure it is aligned with God’s truth is a slippery slope to take.
When we speak our truth without checking to make sure it aligns with God’s truth, we risk hurting others, hurting ourselves, and acting outside of our own core values. None of us are perfect and we all speak impulsively at times but there is a difference between occasionally speaking impulsively and speaking impulsively every time we get upset (frustrated, angry, sad).
Occasionally speaking impulsively, but then realizing what was said to others or ourselves is not aligned with the word and choosing to seek forgiveness, truly work to not do the same thing again, and allowing others to hold us accountable is acting out of a repentant heart and a desire to seek holiness by transforming ourselves to be like Christ.
The opposite of this would be what our culture preaches- speak your truth no matter what the cost. Our culture tells us that our feelings are always true, and that we have a right to tell someone how we feel in any way that we want as, you deserve to be heard and treated well.
Do you see the deception in this view? The devil uses deception in clever ways- he masquerades as an angel of light (2 Corinthians 11:14). What is interesting about this verse is that it is referring to false teachers who have great knowledge of God, teach the word, and insist that they are superior to others in their teaching. Paul states in this passage (v12-15) that He is not surprised they are speaking against his teaching and saying their teaching is holier.
Like Paul, I am not surprised that culture, to include some self-proclaimed Christians with great knowledge, are believing, teaching, and defending this falsehood. While God indeed wants people to be heard and treated well, He wants the words that come out of our mouths, our actions, and our thoughts to align with His word. So, some general questions to ask yourself are, do your words, actions, and thoughts consistently align with the word? Would Jesus say the things you are saying? Would He do the things you are doing? Would he think about the things you think about for the length of time you think about them?
Here are some of the questions I often ask myself after difficult conversations with others:
FIRST, ask God to reveal the truth to you regarding the situation. Seek Him first, as He will reveal His truths to you.
Is what I am thinking and focusing on right now aligned with God’s word? I try to make it a regular practice to take my thoughts captive and bring them under the obedience to Christ, as I don’t want to give the devil a foothold over my thoughts. He is a creeper in people’s thought life and will always try to get a foothold in this area.
Am I focusing on goodness or evil? The devil wants us to focus on how we were wronged, how unfair it is, that we deserve better, etc.
Were words said to me and the corresponding behaviors aligned with what God would say or do? The devil likes to use the words of others to speak against you and what God says about you. Words are powerful and he wants to use the words of others to deceive, accuse, and condemn you and shift your beliefs about yourself away from what God says about you. Evaluate what others say to you with the word of God- regardless of the persons status or religious title or knowledge.
Were the actions of others occasional or a pattern over time? If it is a pattern, consider if perhaps boundaries need to be put in place, not to punish them, but to guard your heart. If the person is keeping you from the purposes God has given you, boundaries need to be put in place.
How did I respond, and did it align with the word? If it didn’t align with the word, is it occasional, or do I exhibit a pattern for this behavior? Be careful with this one, as the devil will want you to think you “always” respond poorly. If you responded poorly in a situation and you are uncertain if it is a pattern of behavior, speak with some close friends who know you well for input. If in the difficult conversation you had, the person told you that you always behave this way, but they have a pattern of poor behavior, be sure to ask other close friends, even if the person is considered a “good friend”.
If it is a pattern, what do I need to do to change. Y’all, all I have to say about this is accountability is key. Find a close friend and talk to them about what you want to change and make a plan on how they can help to hold you accountable.
What I love about God is that when we seek Him, He answers- even when I am messy in my seeking Him. This morning I was seeking Him regarding some difficult conversations I had recently, and my mind was all over the place. I was having a hard time focusing but I have given God my yes and am committed to seeking him so I pressed on. I was jumping from being in the word, to praying, to praising, to back to the word, to journaling, to listening to sermons, to praying – y’all- I was all over the place and all in a short period of time.
It was messy but I was relentless, as I know he will show up. And just like that I heard as clear as ever, resist the devil and he WILL flee. Yes!! I literally said this out loud with a smile/laugh on my face (b/c I like to laugh at the devil’s schemes) and Boom- just like that all my all over the place thoughts ceased. Saying the word out loud is powerful- it’s your sword and the number 1 weapon against the devil. Then everything fell into place and more and more revelations came- and this blog came as God is going to use what the enemy meant for evil for good. God is so good!
If your thoughts are running wild and you can’t seem to calm your them, it is ok, God loves the wild ones. Keep seeking, relentlessly. He sees you and He loves when you earnestly seek Him, even when you feel like you can’t seek Him or you feel like your sucking at seeking Him. When you lay it all down and just keep seeking, He sees that you have chosen Him. He sees that you are choosing to be transformed by Him.
He wants you to choose Him more than you can imagine- even if it doesn’t look perfect. He knows exactly where you are and what you are going through and your relentless all over the place ways of choosing Him in that moment, are perfect for Him in that moment and He WILL answer. He wants to reveal the truth to you, as the truth sets the wild ones free, and isn’t that what all of us wild ones want? ~Spiritual Grinder Girl~
So humble yourself before God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. James 4:7
