Hope. It’s hard to hold onto at times. I’ve always said that hope floats but I don’t like to think about the times when it seems to have floated out of reach, like a balloon that you accidentally let go of and it’s just out of jumping range to grab a hold of again and you have no choice but to let it float away. And then you stand in place, like it’s impossible to move and stare up at the balloon with admiration with the reality that the balloon is drifting off and soon, it will be out of sight.
I remember as a child when the ballon would accidentally slide off my finger or wrist and I would get upset that I didn’t also hold onto the string with my hand. I’d think, next time I will remember to hold extra tight with an extra strong grip and wrap the string around my hand so that the balloon wouldn’t accidentally slide off my finger or wrist. Today, I realize that I do this with the many things in life that I admire greatly. I hold on tightly and wrap whatever it is around my hand with great determination to never allow the wind to carry it away.
But I am not in control and some winds are too strong and my grip is too weak and some things, well, they slip from my hands and float through the air too high for me to jump us and rescue. And I stand still and look up in admiration for all that was and I realize that what I thought was within my grip, that I was holding tight to, was never really in my grip in the first place and I let go. I let go of what was and what I thought was to be. And I stand still, waiting for hope to float back in my direction because only things and people float away from you, but hope, hope always floats towards you.
“Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for He who promised is faithful.” Hebrews 10:23 NKJV
Loneliness creeps in and your bones feel dry. You muster up the courage to smile. You try to push through but the presence of the spirit of loneliness is like a thick grey cloud. It clouds everything and makes you feel like you’re drowning and fighting to keep your head above water. And when you’re fighting to keep your head up, there is no choice but to look up. When everything else has failed and you’re looking up, you see the light.
In that moment you have a choice, you can allow the spirit of loneliness to wrap its chains around you and bind you. And you know that when you’re bound by chains, the weight of the chains will cause you to sink into the dark water and drown.
Or you have the choice to grab ahold of the light and when you grab ahold of the light, it WILL give you strength. It will give you the strength to keep treading water. It will give you the strength to command the spirit of loneliness to flee. And then the light will seem a bit brighter and bigger and as the light seems brighter and bigger, you begin to feel two things: love and hope. And when love and hope plant seeds in your heart and your mind, faith is the supernatural byproduct that begins to change things. Faith is the game changer that brings you out of the sea of discouragement and onto the land of promise where His goodness and mercy will follow you.
Keep holding on. You might still be in the water, but light is shining down on you and calling you to choose light when it seems dark, as when you choose light, He comes to rescue you and hold you up by your right hand. He is ready to give you love and hope so that you can have faith that He will never leave you nor forsake you and you will never be alone again and His goodness and mercy will follow you all the days of your life.
The world is very much focused on being independent and looking within yourself and finding and sustaining on your own strength. So many strive to be strong enough to get through and survive seemingly unbearable circumstances. But we have a God who delights in our dependence on Him. Not only are we not required to move through our struggles on our own, but our God actually wants us to rely completely on Him; to rely completely on His strength. He delights in this.
Lay it all down. You don’t have to be strong. You have a God who delights in your complete dependence on Him.
He takes no pleasure in the strength of a horse or in human might. No, the Lord’s delight is in those who fear him, those who put their hope in his unfailing love. Psalms 147:10-11 NLT
Dear fellow single mamas, allow me to express the reality that most never share.
Being a single mom is hard. There is no off. You are the keeper, implementer, and manager of all things. If you’re sick, too bad. If your kids have medical or dental appointments, after school activities, school projects, performances at school, extracurricular activities, your kids want to see friends, or if your kids are sick- you set aside everything, call out of work, go without pay, without rest, and sometimes without a shower. Oh wait, let’s not forget there is grocery shopping to do, cleaning, laundry, bills, etc.
And then, we are told how important it is to be in community. And it is. Every single mom wants this more than you know. But when? But how? Who will go to work so we can go to lunch or coffee or walk with a friend? Who will pick up the kids from school so we can meet up with others to develop friendships? Who will make dinner? They say to go to small group weekly, but what about when your child gets sick or has after school activities or what about when you have literally left for work at 7:30am and get home at 6:30pm and if you’re lucky, you can make dinner but more often then not you’re unpacking what you bought on the way home. Ok- so by now, if you eat really fast, it’s almost 7 so if you want to go to small group or meet up with a friend better hurry! (Of course this is only possible if you have kids that are old enough to stay home alone). And if you don’t have time to go or you’re too tired, maybe you can call or text people- but the truth is, you’re exhausted. You want to see people, you care about people and you want to be in community but it’s hard and sometimes rest seems like the only option.
We are a hidden population of women that are truly overlooked and often times, unreasonable expectations are put on us through very kind people who mean no harm, but simply don’t know what it’s like to walk in our shoes. We all know it’s best to be in community and that we need close friends. We all greatly desire this, but it hard to find time, not because we don’t want it or don’t prioritize it, but because duty calls and most single moms don’t have anyone to fall back on. But with all this, we all still try make time, because we really do know it best and want to be in community.
For single moms like me, I want you to know that you are not alone. There are many of us out here fighting the same fight, praying the same prayers, and with God’s help, just holding onto today. Know that God sees each and every one of us and He is absolutely with us, even when we feel all alone. He never leaves us. He walks before us and he sends his angels to protect and guide us. In your exhaustion, cry out to him. It doesn’t have to look pretty. Yesterday, I took a short break at work and paced back and forth in front of my work just saying – no weapon formed against me will prosper again and again and declaring the goodness and mercy will follow me. I don’t care what I looked like doing it, because the Holy Spirit is real and I knew he’d show up. Don’t be afraid to stand out. It’s ok if you can’t make all the church events, it’s ok to take breaks from volunteering, it’s ok to miss small group. It’s ok to take a semester off of small group. It’s ok to look for small groups at any church that best fits your schedule and need.
But- don’t take a break from spending time with the Lord. Instead, give ALL of your left over time to the lord. Worship, read the Bible, pray, talk to the Holy Spirit in your car, read Christian books, listen to Christian podcasts, watch sermons on YouTube, etc. Take this time to lean into him and completely depend on him. Devote yourself to the Lord and see what he does. Let the father, son, and Holy Spirit be your community for this season.
Again, hear this, we single mammas want community and we agree with everyone who says we need it, but sometimes there are seasons when my community only looks like the Holy Spirit. I know it won’t always be that way, but for now, I’m just going to keep pressing in relentlessly.
Ps. I totally didn’t re-read this for grammar and spelling errors. It’s almost midnight and I’m pretty sure the grammar police are already asleep.
Pps or is it pss? It’s been A LONG time since I posted yet I have at least 25-30 posts in my Apple notes- single moms- don’t get discouraged if your not always on point. Just keep going. Don’t stop. I’m cheering you on.
